Dave-a-licious... Dave, you greedy bastard! Oh Dave, oh Dave, Yo, Amerika-Man

It is with that I write to you, on both the occasion of , and because your site has been down for so long. 

After drinking in your musings, I feel I know you.  I have grieved for your poor, lonely dog "Freckles", her photo mercilessly stabbed by you with a dart or icepick "fake" Uncle Gerry-- that is, *before* the lawnmower incident-- friends and family-- or anyone who has had to share a place of residence with you poor sister-- is it Sue? Can you imagine growing up with someone like you? ; and although I've struggled to go on without I'm sure that whatever happens now, the .

Since the personage of Dave Amerika was incarcerated by federal authorities your bulbous, watermelon-sized head developed a gravitational stranglehold our secret rendezvous among the lily-pads Nathan Myrvold's estranged wife discovered his filthy habit , I've been , beside myself with .  I can hardly stand it anymore, and if you don't come back I'll surely .

Please, Mr. Amerika, remove that photo of you with the really long hair-- the one where you won the Watergate essay contest remember the days at the beach in Leonardtown MD (with the PT Boat) tell me again how I'm a loser.  And how my parents are too. I love it post the section on your site about 'The Toilet' more visibly tell David Yeager that the 'state flowers' is as bad a band name as 'the honeyspots' put Scott McNealy and his goofball Iowa-face in their place , and do it quickly.  We need you back, in action. We need your . Don't wait anymore!

With love, honor, and respect, Eat raw meat, die, and see your flesh burn in hell! Am I going to get spam email if I submit this? My pleas mean nothing without your presence, ,

PS -